I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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