6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
