I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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