a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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