She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
