I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
