Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
