My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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