Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
