We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do vagina's smell?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
