Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
