Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
