Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
