I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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