Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
