I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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