so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I smell stomach acid.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
