do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
