my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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