You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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