Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
