He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
