The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's the barista slut.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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