My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
