he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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