I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
