If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
