I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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