I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
