Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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