Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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