College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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