oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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