I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
