My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
