allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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