Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
