foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
