he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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