Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
