i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
