my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
