and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
