She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
