I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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