I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
