The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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