And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
