Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
