We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
